Thomas And The Special Guest
by kao-no-fakku
Summary: Thomas is enjoying his life, when the Fat Controller asks him to pick up a special guest! What kind of madness will occur? (Joke fanfic. Not to be taken seriously)


_Hello! This is my first fanfiction, so I'm sorry if it's horribly bad. I don't own any of the characters in this fic (except Jeremy)! The crossover-character appears in the next chapter, don't worry!_

 ** _This is a joke fanfic and is not meant to be taken seriously._**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Jeremy the Assholengine**

«Hello buddy!» Mr. Johnson waved at them with a smile. Charlie applied the brakes to talk to him, as he had a wild crush on him. He stepped out of the locomotive and skipped away from the ttacks and over to the house. «Charlie come back! We're pulling a train! Can't you see?» Sidney yelled at his partner. «Let him og fireman, he's in love.» said their engine Edward, because in our universe, engine's can talk! Sidney was upset, he was deeply in love with Charlie ever since they started working together. But now, he loved another man. He sighed. «I know he is, but I don't think the passangers care about that». Edward frowned at his firemans lack of love. Suddenly he remembered something. «Oh bother! We have to get back, Gordon will be choosing players for our soccerteam! I mustn't miss it!» so not giving a shit about his driver, Edward steamed away.

«And then I choose…. Henry!» «EEYYYYY YUSS» said Henry and chuffed to Gordon's side. Gordon whispered «Now you best not whine or anything like that and your off my team nobody wants to hear about your stupid 'coal issues'» to Henry. «i don't whine… And it's 'you're'» replied Henry, slightly annoyed. Gordon looked at the remaining engines. «I'm done choosing my team, so you can go now» he said. «NOW WAIT A MINUTE.» said Thomas. «You only chose four engines! Certainly you need us too?» he looked kinda pissed. «This is more than enough for my team, so piss off.» «Oooh, I get it, it's because we're small right?» Thomas was very cross, Percy tried to look cross too. Didn't work though, he's just too fucking cute. «Gordon you'll never win against those asses unless you choo-choo-choose us too! Or else I'm telling the Fat Controller!» Ouch. Gordon couldn't refuse that. The Fat Controller could get pretty harsh with how he punished his engines (see Henry and Smudger). He sughed in defeat. «Fine… I'll choose ONE more ok?» Thomas put on his cheeky smile. He was sure to be chosen, he always was as the main character. «Ok, I chooooooseee…»

«PEEP PEEP! Helloo! Am i, too late?» «Edward! I choose you!» Thomas was horrified! «Seriously Gordon? You wont choose me because I'm small, but it's totally okay to choose a zombie?» That made Edward sad. Ever since the Fat Controller told them he was the main character of a childrens tv show, he had been acting like the most important engine in the universe. Even now, after the show was loong cancelled. «Now now little Thomas, I'm doing this for your own good. You're so small we might mistake you for the ball, and you might get hurt. Anyway, c'mon gang, LETS PLAY SUM FOOTBOWL!» The other team players cheered and they left. Thomas was still cross. «It's not fair, I'm awesome… Besides if I were on the team we would most definetly win.» Percy groaned and tried to speak. «Bleeerfflor korklrrfpssss» Thomas sighed and looked over at his brain damaged friend. It had been four years since you-know-who had pushed him into the river.

«This is Jeremy! He's new here!» said the Fat Controller as he introduced a new engine to the crew. He was painted a color darker than black, and shaped somewhat like Donald and Douglas. «Hehe, no shit.» said Gordon. The others snickered. «Shut up now! Ahem, anyways, Edward do you mind showing him how to do stuff?» If he had shoulders, Edward would've shrugged. «Sure I guess, I'm always the one to do it anyways..» «Oh shit you're rigjt, eh, now, go along you two! Have fun!» he waved them off, and they were out of the yard. «He looked like an asshole…» said James. His driver sighed. Even though it had been a big relief when Thomas & Friends was cancelled and they were allowed to speak worse than just saying 'oh bother' or 'oh deary me', but hearing the engines say these words felt wrong. «What's an 'ass hoe'?» asked Percy. «Well,» explained Gordon «it small and green, and it's also known as a 'Percy'.» Percy looked at at him in wonder. But Thomas was cross. «Don't call him an asshole, asshole!» The engines gasped. Even though he was pissed off woth Thomas, Gordon couldn't do anything to defend himself. He lost almost all his authority after Thomas & Friends aired. «I'm, sssssssssss….. orry….» It was still an unknown word to him, but Gordon was slowly learning to apologize to others. Henry, his fuckboy, was proud of how far he had come.

Meanwhile, Edward was miserable. Jeremy was a dick. He kept inerrupting him and say either «Radical dude!» or «Weak man!». He probably didn't mean it in that way but Edward was sensitive to the word weak after years of being verbally slapped by Gordon. «So uh, this is MY station,» Jeremy interrupted him «DUUDE! YOU HAVE YOUR OWN STATION? RADICAL DUDE!» Uuugh, Jeremy was getting annoying. But Edward had to keep his cool, or else Sir Topham Hatt would forward his death. «Indeed… Well, we should return maybe. We're supposed to pull a train soon and we mustn't get late.» He wasn't looking forward to it, but he had to take care of Jeremy dor the rest of the day. «Awesome, let's og old man! RADICAL!» said Jeremy. Edward wanted Jeremy to shut up.

Later that night the engines were in the shed. Edward however had to go to the works, Jeremy had pushed him face first into a mountain. James was cross, if it weren't for Jeremy he and Edward would be bumping buffers on the seaside. «Ahah man, this is totally awesome dude! I'm totally gonna be a kickass engine!» he boasted. «You're too rough Jeremy, I heard at least five people were injured in your ride today» Gordon said sternly. «I don't wanna have to ll you about Smudger». «Smudger? What a weak name man! I'd rather be called something like Iron Man or Ron Swanson!» Percy was confused. «Who's Ron Swanson?» he asked Jeremy. «DUDE?! Only the most RADICAL man to ever live as a human!» then he got an idea. «I'll make you Ron Swanson tomorrow Pervy!» Thomas grumbled. He wasn't very fond of Jeremy, but he had only been there for a day so there was nothing Thomas could say without seeming like an asshole.

The next day, Percy and Jeremy went to the docks. «There Ron! There's the water! The final part of your transformation into Ron Swanson is becoming a swan!» said Jeremy. «But there's a sign there forbidding engines from entering the water! The Fat Controller will be cross!» Jeremy paid no attention to what Percy just said, and instead began pushing him. «Go Ron! Become a Swanson!» he chanted. Percy was scared, but did nothing to resist. Inch by inch he got closer to the water, until the rails ended and he fell into the deep blue with a loud 'plopp'. «WUT,» said Jeremy, «I thought engines float? Meh, oh well, we tried buddy!» he said to Percy and left. They couldn't find him for a whole month, but when they did he was rusty and retarded. Of course the engines and Hatt were very cross, but the fat controller didn't want to send Jeremy away just yet. «He's still new to this railway, we must give him a fair chance».

Jeremy had to stay in a tiny shed deep in a forest by himself, the engines at Tidmouth sheds hated him and constantly wheeshed at him. He was starting to grow bitter. All he wanted was to help Percy be more awesome. In his eyes he did nothing wrong, at least now Percys stupidity wouldn't constantly poison them. The next day he noticed Donald and Douglas. They looked like himself, the were even black too! This annoyed Jeremy, as he now wasn't one of a kind anymore (though he never had been either). «What're doing staring at Donald like that?» asked Thomas. «Why must he **exist**?» asked Jeremy in a low voice. «NO,» Thomas shouted, «DON'T YOU DARE» «WATCH ME!» Jeremy quickly puffed towards the twin and began pushing him forwards. «OY. WHA' AE' YE DOOIN'?» asked Douglas, though Jeremy thought he was Donald. «WE'RE GOING ON A TRIP, IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKETENGINE!» screamed Jeremy and pushed Douglas off a cliff.


End file.
